Find Your People

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” But have we limited our understanding of what it truly means to sharpen one another?

Does sharpening only apply to our spiritual walk with the LORD, or could there be a broader perspective worth exploring?

I am surrounded by strong, beautiful women of faith, and while we share a common foundation in Christ, I've come to realize that we don't all possess the same strengths, knowledge, experiences, or abilities.

There are areas in my life where these women may not be equipped to sharpen me, just as there are areas in their lives where I may not be equipped to sharpen them. And that's okay.

Being spiritually connected doesn't automatically mean we're equipped to sharpen one another in every area of life.

We can strengthen one another in our faith while recognizing that growth in other areas may require different relationships, perspectives, experiences, and expertise. Perhaps the beauty of iron sharpening iron isn't that everyone around us must sharpen us in everything, but that we recognize the unique ways God has equipped different people to contribute to our growth.

Not everyone is assigned to sharpen every part of you, and you are not equipped to sharpen every part of everyone else.

Case in Point: The Gardener and the Sharpener

I have a sister who is an absolute BEAST when it comes to gardening! Me, on the other hand? I need all the help I can get! LOL! 🤣 Now, I cannot sharpen her in the area of gardening because her knowledge far outweighs mine. In this particular area, I'm the knife, and she's the electric sharpener! As she shares gardening tips, pictures, spiritual revelations, and practical information, she's helping me cultivate my garden and transform it into something beautiful. She's sharpening me in an area where I need development.

And here's the thing: I don't have to be as knowledgeable as she is to recognize the value of what she brings to my life. Nor does she have to depend on me for the same level of gardening knowledge that she's providing.

We simply recognize where the sharpening is needed and who is equipped to provide it.

Another Case in Point: A Mentor Who Doesn't Know Me

For years, I've followed Dr. Faith Wokoma. And let me make something clear: The LORD led me to her. I didn't stumble upon her. I was led.

When I began listening to her, she spoke a language I hadn't learned yet. I mean that euphemistically.

I am a prophetess, but for many years, I had not received formal training in my prophetic calling. Throughout my years in ministry, I was often placed in positions where I could serve, but rarely in environments where my specific calling was being developed.

Now, don't misunderstand me. The Holy Ghost was—and still is—my teacher (1 John 2:27). And one thing about me: I have a servant's heart. I carry the gift of helps. Serving isn't merely something I do; it's part of who I AM.

My mentor and church mother, Mother Carolyn Royster-Bell, did a hand-clappin' WONDERFUL job training me in servanthood! And I am forever grateful for that foundation. But after more than twenty years of walking with the LORD, I didn't need the same level of development in serving that I needed during my earlier years of salvation.

I didn't need to be trained again in what I had already developed. I needed to be developed in what I had been called to become.

My spiritual father, Apostle Harold K. Browning, Sr. (RIP), confirmed my prophetic calling shortly before we PCSed (moved) to our next military duty station. What made that moment so significant was that the LORD had already revealed my calling to me in prayer. He even told me that I wouldn't have to say anything to anyone about it.

And I didn't. Then, on the very last day before we moved, my spiritual father spoke what the LORD had already revealed to me privately. Imagine that! There I was, preparing to leave, having received confirmation of a calling I still knew very little about.

As we moved from one duty station to another, we also transitioned from one church to another. Yet the specific training I needed remained difficult to find. Nevertheless, the Holy Ghost continued teaching me throughout the years, often leading me to particular people and resources during different seasons of my development. And that's where Dr. Faith comes in. This woman doesn't know me from Adam's house cat! LOL! She has no idea who I am, yet she has taught me SO MUCH.

As a prophet herself, she has given language to experiences, responsibilities, and aspects of my calling that I had struggled to understand for years. Things I couldn't quite articulate, she explained. Things that had been unclear, she helped bring into focus. She gave language to what I was living but didn't yet know how to explain. She sharpens me. We're not friends. We've never developed a personal relationship. She doesn't even know I exist. Yet I consider her a mentor from afar. And that's the point I want you to understand.

Your Sharpener May Not Be in Your Circle

The people equipped to sharpen you may never become your friends. You may know who they are while they have absolutely no idea who you are. And that's okay! You can still be in the "room" with them, learning, developing, growing, and being sharpened. The room may be a classroom, a conference, a book, a video, a mentorship program, or even a conversation you were divinely positioned to hear.

You don't always need a personal relationship with someone to benefit from the wisdom they carry.

Be open to whom the LORD leads you to for your development. They may not be in your circle, but they can still be part of your environment. And sometimes, that environment is exactly where your next level of growth will take place.

Stop Putting the Weight of Your Development on Your Friends

Here's something else I want you to consider. Staying in a circle where everyone has the same knowledge, experiences, and level of development can eventually lead to stagnation if no one is intentionally growing beyond what they already know. I'm not telling you to get rid of your friends. I'm telling you to keep your friend circle friendly!

Take the weight of unrealistic expectations off your friendships. Your friends should not be required to possess every answer, provide every opportunity, understand every calling, or have the expertise to develop every area of your life. That's too much weight to place on one relationship—or even an entire circle of relationships.

Instead, seek out people who are seasoned in the areas where you desire to grow.

Find those who have already walked the roads you're preparing to travel. People who have acquired the wisdom, knowledge, and experience necessary to help you navigate unfamiliar territory. They are better equipped to carry the responsibility of helping you develop in those areas. And here's the beautiful part: as you grow, you bring that growth back into your friendships. You become sharper, wiser, and more equipped to contribute to the people you love.

You don't have to abandon your circle to expand your environment.

However, there is another side to this conversation.

When You're Always the Sharpener

What happens when you're constantly sharpening others but never being sharpened yourself? What happens when you're always the one providing wisdom, encouragement, direction, and solutions, yet there's no room for your own development? Eventually, that imbalance can become exhausting. And sometimes, it reveals that you've outgrown the dynamics of a particular relationship or circle. Not necessarily because you're better than anyone else, but because your growth has created new needs, new perspectives, and new responsibilities.

Some friendships don't last because the people involved are no longer growing in compatible directions.

One person may become intentional about development while another remains comfortable where they are.

And while everyone has the right to choose their own pace of growth, those choices can change the nature of a relationship.

As you grow mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, your perspective changes. Things you once tolerated may no longer be acceptable. Conversations you once entertained may no longer interest you. Patterns you once overlooked may become impossible to ignore. Not because you've become arrogant, but because growth changes what you're willing to participate in.

Still, maturity teaches us to recognize the difference between a relationship that has become unhealthy and a friendship that simply serves a different purpose. Not everyone has to grow in the same direction to remain valuable in your life. And not everyone who cannot sharpen you in one area has nothing left to contribute.

Sharpening Also Requires Reciprocity

Now, here's another important lesson growth will teach you:

You cannot always be on the receiving end. At some point, you must learn to pour back.

Scripture teaches us principles of sowing and reaping, generosity, and reciprocity. A harvest doesn't appear without a seed being sown. When someone invests their time, wisdom, experience, encouragement, or resources into your development, don't become so accustomed to receiving that you forget the importance of giving. And giving back doesn't always mean returning the exact thing you received. Sometimes it's honoring the person who helped you. Sometimes it's supporting their work, sharing what you've learned, expressing gratitude, or using your growth to help someone else. The person who sharpens you may not need sharpening in the same area. But that doesn't mean you have nothing of value to offer.

Reciprocity isn't always an equal exchange. Sometimes it's a continuation of what was poured into you.

When we receive and then intentionally sow into others, we help cultivate an environment where growth, generosity, and wisdom continue to flourish. But when we become consumers of everyone else's gifts without ever considering how we can contribute, we risk creating relationships that are one-sided and unsustainable.

Don't just celebrate the harvest while neglecting the responsibility of sowing.

Be willing to receive.

Be willing to grow.

And be willing to give.

Because the ultimate purpose of being sharpened isn't simply to become sharper for yourself.

It's to become more effective in what you've been called to do, and more capable of making a meaningful contribution to the lives of others.

It's Time to Get Sharpened!

It's time for you to grow. It's time for you to pour. And it's time for you to prepare for the harvest that comes from intentional growth and faithful stewardship. But before you can become more effective in what you've been called to do, you must be willing to be sharpened. Whether you need development as a woman, a man, a spouse, a parent, or a caregiver; whether you're learning to manage your finances, strengthen your marriage, raise your children, lead your family, build your business, grow your ministry, maintain healthy friendships, become a better leader, or excel as an employee—get around people who are equipped to help you grow in those areas.

Stop expecting to develop in environments where you're never challenged, stretched, taught, or exposed to something beyond what you already know. And stop placing the responsibility for your growth on people who were never equipped to develop you in that particular area.

Be willing to become the student again.

Be willing to acknowledge what you don't know.

Be willing to sit in rooms where you're not the most knowledgeable, experienced, or accomplished person.

There's no shame in needing to be sharpened. The danger is becoming comfortable with remaining dull.

And remember, you're the knife in this illustration. But don't become a knife that's used to stab others in the back, cut people down, or wound those around you. Instead, submit yourself to the sharpening process so that you become more effective, more intentional, more knowledgeable, and better equipped for the purpose God has entrusted to you. Because the goal isn't to become sharp enough to hurt somebody.

It's to become sharp enough to fulfill your purpose, cultivate what God has placed in your hands, and help produce a harvest that extends beyond yourself.

So, find your sharpeners. Embrace the process. Apply what you've learned. And when the time comes, become a source of sharpening for someone else.

Now Go! Get Sharpened!